A Matter of Time
by Unfinished Perfection
Summary: Bella's perspective on her pregnancy during Breaking Dawn. Would work with both Movie or Book. Not my best work but I haven't written in a while. Reviews would be very much appreciated.


He didn't understand. I saw it in his eyes. The betrayal. The hurt. The disgust. The pure confusion. He just didn't get it.

I'd fought so hard to convince him. I fought so hard to keep him. All I wanted was him forever. If that meant immortality, then I wanted that too. And here I was throwing it all away for a "Monster". That's how he saw it.

I wanted so bad to reach out to him. To comfort him and assure him I was strong. I was right. I would survive this, one way or another. But I couldn't. He couldn't even look at me most days without crumbling. I saw how he tried to keep it from me, but every time he saw my skin pinched taut over my cheeks, his eyes dulled. His face crumpled. And for a millisecond he allows me to see how much pain he's in. He looks like a hurt child. And I'm the one who's hurting him.

I wish he could see what I see. The massive bulge that was once my abdomen is not the home to a monster. It's the safe haven of an angel. Of our child.

My beautiful little boy, the image of Edward. My blushing cheeks and Edward's human eyes. That bronze tousled mop I loved so much. That crooked smile of my beloved's, mirrored on a child. He would be breath taking. He would be ours.

I had never shown any prior interest in having children before. They had always been sticky and smelly and really really noisy. I never understood the appeal. All until I'd felt that first little nudge. That little reassurance that he knew who I was. He knew I would protect him. He recognized my voice and found comfort from it.

With that first little nudge, my fate was sealed.

I'd never realized that there could be a love deeper than the one I'd felt for Edward. I thought that love was literally all-consuming. I remember in the beginning thinking those terms "Unconditionally" and "Irrevocably" in relation to our love. I could never have comprehended that there could be more. I would do anything for my little nudger. Anything.

And that was the only reason I could continue to do this to Edward. That and the fact that I knew without a doubt I was right. I would survive the delivery, no matter how traumatic it would be. I would need to be turned but I would survive. I would live to hold my baby. Our baby. The one that Edward believed to be a monster. I knew that in a matter of days, Edward would look at me, holding our sinfully beautiful child in his arms and he would understand. It was only a matter of time. He would realize why I'd done so much damage.

And I knew that I had caused damage. I had torn Edward and Rosalie apart. I had divided the Cullens. I had destroyed a wolf tribe and I had broken Jacob's heart. Again. If anything, I was the monster in this scenario. I was hurting everyone I loved. I was driving my poor father insane. I was causing Alice, my best friend immense physical pain just by being around, not to mention driving her away with the baby.

I felt horrible. I honestly and truly did. I wished I could click my fingers and make everything right. I wished I could make everyone see. The day where I could hold my beautiful alabaster child in my arms and prove to everyone that I was right, that I _was _strong enough could not come soon enough.

I just wanted it to be over. I wanted Edward's pain to stop. Of course, I wanted the broken bones and needles and drips to stop, but truthfully the pricks and pokes couldn't hurt me anywhere near as much as that horrified look in Edward's eyes each time he looked at me. Every time another bone broke, each time I shifted in pain, his eyes snapped towards me. They darkened and I saw his inner war wage. The desire to rip the so-called monster out of my body, to save my life and stop my pain was strong. But even stronger was his desire to give me what I wanted. I knew that he'd wanted so much for me. He wanted the world at my feet. Taking my humanity was a massive sacrifice for him in the first place. Allowing me to slowly die before his eyes was destroying him. And it was what I wanted.

Rosalie was the only one who understood. The only one who could comprehend such an incomprehensible notion. A mother's love. She would have done anything she could to be in my position. To carry a child, no matter how strong, would be a long denied dream come true. She was the only one who could possibly understand why I was doing this. Why I had to do this. She had longed for a child throughout her many decades. And here I was carrying her dream in my weak, human uterus. In the beginning it had been quite disconcerting how forceful she had been in my protection. It slightly scared me, how far she would go to ensure this child survived. But then I realized it was a good thing. I knew that no matter what my child would be taken care of and loved. I couldn't possibly ask for any more.

She had been so kind to me too. Despite our differences we finally had a common cause. We were fighting the same fight and wanted the same thing. And although her affection for me might be based on her underlying adoration for my unborn child, she had shown me nothing but kindness. She held my hair as my body rejected all forms of sustenance. She rubbed my back and massaged my aching back and hips. She got me water and comforted me as again, my body rejected it. She made sure I was as comfortable as I possibly could be in my most uncomfortable position and stood, fiercely guarding me from all unwanted conversations. She brought me to the bathroom all fifteen thousand times a day, and carried me to and from the make-shift x-ray lab upstairs. She helped Carlisle tape up all my broken ribs, ensured my privacy was maintained as he did his duty as a doctor. She truly was my advocate. And whether it was for me or for my child, I appreciated it none the less.

The days were numbered but they weren't going quickly enough. It seemed every day was multiplied. Every time I shifted position, a new development had occurred. Between the wolves and Charlie's incessant calls, the drama was thick throughout my world. But I just had to make it. I just had to last these final few days. Just let my child mature enough to survive outside my safe, warm womb. A few more days and I could let my weak human body succumb to what it had been fighting so hard against. Just a little while longer and my "Emergency vampirization" as Jacob had put it, could take place. My child would be safe and I would be healing.

It seemed so impossible to those around me but I knew I could do it. When it came to my little Edward Jacob I would fight for as long as I needed to. I would battle against my humanity and I would win. All for my little nudger.

I could make it. I knew I could. I was strong. I had my poor broken Husband's love. I was killing him but I still had his love. I had my new family, not understanding why but willing to work with me none the less. My best friend, who had severed all ties with his mystical family in order to fight for me. And somewhere out there, my poor father who had no idea what was going on, but knew it wasn't right. I had my family, all of them, to continue fighting for. And even more importantly I had my child. I would soon hold my pale beautiful child in my arms and I would look into his eyes and I would know that I had made the right choice. I just had to keep my heart beating.

*A/N- Ok well I haven't written anything in a really really long time and this was much more of an effort than it should have been. I really wanted to write something but I've been very busy and can't seem to find the inspiration to update my story "Stumbled". I'm expecting my first child and concentrating on anything at 8 months pregnant is quite a challenge but I thought if I could get something out then maybe the rest will flow. I just saw the Breaking Dawn trailer they've just released and this is what popped into my head. I'm sorry if this isn't the best I've ever written but I am quite rusty. I needed to write something and I figured as long as I had some form of inspiration then I should do something with it. Anyway, as I said it's not my best work and there are probably a heap of spelling and grammatical errors but like I said, it had to go up.

Anyway, please leave me a review and let me know what you think. I would love to have some feedback to see if I really suck as much as I think I do.

Anyway, much love to all,

_Unfinished Perfection_*


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